by Ted Smith ’14
The movie “Birdemic”, written and directed by James Nguyen, is quite possibly the worst movie ever conceived. The story in short is that hawks and eagles have become angry about global warming and have set out to kill all humans but this was never confirmed by the movie, just hinted at. This ends up not mattering though because the movie failed to make me care about anything in it. With lots of plot holes and incredibly unimportant characters, the movie makes it hard to care about it. The best example of this is when the two main character’s best friends are in the movie to make one incredibly unfunny joke, then show up later in the movie dead in a failed attempt to make the viewer feel emotion. This attempt doesn’t work because the characters found dead were never a big deal and the viewer was never given a reason to feel for them, this along with an absence lasting most of the movie made it very hard to care about them, even slightly. This problem is true with even the main characters; the atrocious dialogue combined with abysmal acting makes all of the characters incredibly hard to connect with in even the slightest way. Scenes in the movie designed to be sad usually made me laugh due to the complete inability of the actors to show even a basic semblance of talent. Even beyond all of the story problems the movie is still awful. The special effects make some YouTube videos look like James Cameron’s “Avatar” and the audio is inexcusably bad. The quality of the audio on my iPhone surpasses the quality of the microphone used for this movie and the video even in high definition still looks awful. This movie is not bad in an entertaining way like “The Room”, there is nothing redeemable about this movie and it is awful in all of the worst ways.